Tyler Perry.com


Talking About The Taboo!

There are some stats that say 1 out of 6 boys have been or will be sexually abused. This is such a tragic statistic and what it tells me is that not only are there a lot of boys who have been abused and hurt, but that they grew or will grow into men who are still hurting and in pain from such a sick violation. Most men never saying a word about it, just suffering in silence. The tragedy in this is multilayered. Lots of people, especially men, dismiss it as something that happened, not really knowing that the effects are far-reaching. The effects from childhood molestation can cast a net that will affect you and everyone you love for the rest of your lives if not addressed. I know that this is difficult to talk about or even acknowledge, especially for men. That's why I am so happy that Dr. Howard Fradkin has written a book called Joining Forces to help men who are adult survivors learn to cope, deal and most of all stop suffering in silence.

Most of you reading this are not male... I know that because most of my audience is women :-) I know some of you are saying, "why is this important to me?" Well I'll tell you. I can assure you, his abuse can directly affect his relationship with you. It is such a cycle and this book is what can help to apply the brakes to stop the spinning. If you know of a male who has been sexually abused, this book is a must read in helping you understand him. If you suspect it or not, most of the telltale signs are common and lots of them are discussed in Joining Forces.

Let me be clear, Dr. Fradkin asked me to write the forward for this book, but I did not, nor will I ever, receive any monies for his book. That's not why I did it or why I'm sending this message to you. The reason I'm doing all of this is because I know the pain and the darkness and the shame that we as men can carry when these evil acts have been put upon us. But I also thank God. I know the peace and comfort that comes along with healing from the horror. Healing can start by reading this book.

Joining Forces is on sale now wherever books are sold.

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  • LaShanna Harmon Beloit, WI

    Mr. Perry you are so right! Taboo it is in deed... This is an alarming statistics and one that is sadly under addressed in "all" cultures. I work in an evironment where I see this happening all the time, yet there is not much that can be done with out parental cooperation, parental acknowledgement, and/or parental understanding. Most cases I see involved smaller children who are being touched... or teenage boys who have been subjected to more than just touching since they were about 9 years of age and now have so much hatred. My heart just crumbles and I grow more and more confused and angry due to the sick, sadistic, twisted, mentality of assailants who think this type of behavior is acceptible. This particular crime has hit close to my home and I can see how men mask these incident and lock them away. However, it is reflected in other emotional aspects of their lives. It will never go away unless it is addressed. I hope that people are able to move forward with their lives and oversome this tragedy that takes a toll on their psyche so that they can prevent it from hindering the rest of their lives. Use this as fuel to recognize someone else who may be in the same predicament and to help them get through it as well. We have to start finding a way to address these types of issues head on and not feel embarassed by it or feel as though it is your fault. I appreciate Mr. Perry, how you address issues that occur among the black population and the way in which we handle it; be it good or bad...it needs to be told. It needs to come out! Who knows, you may have saved a life or two with the messages from your movies and plays. No one wants to feel as though they are alone. You seem to have a nact for having the ability to generalize the overall situation and make it noticeable without pointing fingers, or making someone feel bad about it. You give room to cry, room to laugh, and room to figure out how to grow. This is key! Thank you...

  • Demetre Lo'nell Lindsey Winston Salem, NC

    A couple years ago, I had two friends tell me something disturbing. Both didnt know each other because they were from different states. They both said that when i was around the age of 4 that i was sexually abused. When they said this, flashes started going through my mind and i could remember bits and pieces of it. Like my mind tried to hide those details of my life from me. When i mentioned it to my parents at the age of 19 (currently 22) they didnt believe me at all. One of the hardest parts about having this happen, is having no one to believe you. Including your own parents.

    • Charlene Milwaukee, WI #1778954

      I am so sorry to hear about your tragic experiences. Let me just say, as a parent of an adult son that was sexually abused, it is extremely emotional for the parents as well. I am not excusing the fact they did not believe you. I believed my son when he finally told me but it wasn't easy since the abuser was a family member. There are so many questions about the abuse which is felt by all. As a parent, I asked myself things like...Why didn't I know this? Why didn't he tell me when it was happening? (This is one of the reasons for denial. People mistakenly think if it is true, the abused would have reported it at the time). How could I let that happen? How can I help my son? What am I supposed to do now? How does my son REALLY feel about this? Is this the reason he had so much anger? How will this effect his life going forward? Can I kill this guy and get away with it? Well, you get the picture. Many times if a parent admits this, they need to answer many questions that are difficult to face. It feels like a reflection of the parent's inability to do what they are charged to do...protect their child. I pray your parents will come to grip with the reality of your experience and help love you through the pain. If not, you have to love yourself even more. God bless you!

  • Axis_monde California

    Dealing with this kind of trauma is a mountain that seems neverending. Some days are better than others, but it is always a trek. The abuse is so difficult to handle, but you can get through it. I am a female who lived through such abuse and I know of men who have too. The heart wrenching reality is that many times a users are people who families trust. It is vital to recognize that this type of abuse takes a psychological toll and even more important that those abused talk things out with someone. This is a weight that abused people must learn to deal with and one society must figure out how to address. I also think that those who do successfully deal with their abuse, should attempt to help others if they can. It is a horrible burden to have, but I know that many like me do what we can to help those who have been through similar situations or are currently going through them. Many times the victims know what must be done, they just need someone to listen and encourage them. On another note, a year ago, Tyler Perry wrote a message about "letting go of the rope" and I must say it gave me the extra courage I needed at that time and ended up changing my life...that was the beginning of me reclaiming my faith...

  • Traci Memphis,Tennessee

    Well, I am not male I am a woman and my father touched me when I was a little girl. I remember it like it was yesterday. He treats me like pure out trash like he has already had me and I think that is why I am having such a problem with a committed relationship with a man. The scar from the abuse is so deep. I am a 30 year old single black woman with no kids and I have not learned how to be intimate with a man. GOD has taught me to love myself an to love him as well so I can be healed from the abuse. I think it is the constant contact with my father that has robbed me of a helthy relationship with a man. My family members and friends often wonder why I am not married or who I am in reltionship with and I even think they believe that I am g** but I am not. I think the the healing for me is to finally let my father go. It will be one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life but in order for me to be completly healed I am going to have to finally let go. I recently moved out into my own place after 30 years living with my parents and I have never been more peaceful in my life. My cousin took me to see your play years ago it was Madea goes to jail and it was a really good play. I really enjoyed it. I know you commented that Joinging Forces is for men but I am going to read it as well maybe it will help me to release some of the hurt that comes from my father violiating me. GOD has truly blessed you and you are truly gifted at what you do. You have the greatest gift of all and that is love. Always keep him first he is above everybody and everything. I pray that GOD will bless you in every area of your life and heal you from the abuse that you suffered. May GOD bless you Tyler.

  • satarawilliams miami fla

    I noices that you only talk MEN being sexually abuse. May I ask about woman? how do you think we fill. DO think o.k. for us. I am 45 OLD. AND THE PAIN HAS NOT STOP. BUT GOD HELP .

  • misa smith sioux falls,sd

    i love you TYLER

  • karla jamaica

    Hi tyler perry I would like to ask you a question but don't wish to ask it in public email me so I can know how to go about it please I would like your advice on something please

  • Royston Hall United States

    please help us run colgate for my 9 year old daughter,

  • Mrs. Bradford Chicago, IL

    Mr. Perry you have a huge difference in my family. My daughter has watched every single play and movie you have entered into our lives. I thank you for those blessimgs. I ask you for a favor, take a look at a book called "The Promise" by T.S. Weatherspoon. I believe once you read the book it will inspire you the way it did a lot of others. Thank you!

  • Michelle Julia Kerekes Oshawa, Ontario

    I always wondered as a childhood trauma survivor why is this topic still taboo? Why is it WE the survivors carry the shame and the blame? When in reality it is the monster/predator who should feel this...not us. I've fortunately come full circle with my past trauma and have released its negative holds on myself and my life. But it wasn't until I was ready to face my past and move forward in love and light could this transformation take place. And even with knowing the signs...until a person of such an evil and horrible event is ready and strong enough to push past the hurts of betrayal/shame...can true healing take place. And trust me when I tell you this...it takes years for oneself to move forward. So for people out there, who have loved ones who are struggling with past trauma - please practice patience, tolerance, forgiveness, and unconditional love. This is the core ingredients a survivor needs. And understand that when "triggered" we stop processing information the same way. This in itself was the cruelest part of my experience. Simple things such as smell, taste, sounds would and did trigger me to go back into my dark, twisty, bendy place. And it was never fun to be there. However, for current survivors and future survivors (as sad as that truth is) please know that help is all around you when you are ready for it - please grab out for it. And know that you are loved, and cherished and most importantly are a miracle of GOD! As well you are safe to speak out about your experiences. And most importantly, you are not alone. Both Tyler and I are living proof that we are indeed survivors. Sending you all love and light on your journey!

  • Tasha

    I know that it's you:-) I'm waiting....

  • Evagelist Ruth Byhalia, Ms.

    Dear Tyler, Thank you for recommending this book. I am a woman but I have heard a lot of stories personally from men and women a like. Most often then not their healing come from confronting it and telling other people,so that the devil gets a blackeye when it comes out the closet and get on frontstreet. You are a Marvelous man and people respect your opinion and they will read because of who you are. I pray God continually strenghten and BLESS you. Have you considered a free give-away to first 100 responses. I pray you have a BLESSED HOLIDAY SEASON Jesus Blood cover you always.

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