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I Still Miss You

I woke up this morning missing you like you'll never know. I dream about you. Sometimes when I'm alone I can hear your laughter fill the room. It was such a distinct laugh. It meant that everything was right in the world. On Sunday I would watch you singing your heart out in the choir, shouting about how good our God is. We didn't tell the preacher that on Friday night you were singing down-home blues at the top of your lungs, sipping your Hennessy. You loved the blues. You loved playing tonk till midnight in the projects. That was fun you'd say... for you. I wanted to go to bed :-)

I can almost hear you singing right now. Z.Z. Hill was your favorite blues singer. I can feel you from when you would hug me so tight and tell me, "everything is gonn be alright" and how much you loved me. I remember when you were mad at me. That never lasted long. Every year on my birthday you would call me and sing the Happy Birthday song to me. I would call you and ask if you needed anything, anything at all, and you would say, "I need you to be happy".

I don't know if I could have truly expressed how proud I was of you, but I was so proud of you. I remember you saying, "you know I did the best I could with you..." And yes, I know that. I know that you loved me like no other on this earth. Your best was more than good enough. IT WAS!

And I loved you. I still love you so much. I know I was your hope and I know I am your dream. I know that you couldn't go on anymore. I know your body was letting you down although you wanted to stay for us. I'm glad you have no more pain but I have pain now missing you every day. It's been almost four years now, so it's getting easier. Knowing you're with our God helps me get through.

I love and miss you every day. I'm OK now. Standing on my own. Holding you in my heart.

I love you mamma and I always will.

W. Maxine Perry
1945-2009

If you're reading this, tell them you love them before it's too late.

Comments (page 4)

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  • delena usmc camp lejeune

    whow how close is this, i lost my father in december, i was the pathetic puppy dog just waiting for some emotional response i am about your age, 3 weeks prior to his death i sent a letter telling him it was ok that he wasnt around for me growing up, all that mattered was that i loved him, i never found out if he got that letter, but on his obituary notice i was not listed as his child. my mother i have no idea where she is, but you gotta keep on believing that things as hard as they are u have to smile and do something good for someone, tell them how pretty they look just something anything. its amazing how quick the h*** in your heart caused by rejection is filled with the good deeds u do. And as a military wife you dont take things for granted like your husband showing up for dinner or taking our the trash, because at any moment he could be gone, and he may never come back, live life hard love hard and give and keep on giving

    Reply
  • Chernee J. Coleman Alhambra, CA

    Tyler you are a truly wonderful Man, and Thanks, for sharing this with me ..Nothings changed I just admire you more ...Whenever you decide to reveal what ever you want to reveal to the world is your business..I had a hard time growing up ! All I wanted was for my Dad to love me and he showed favortism towards the other 4 girls, and two boys..Please forgive my writing grammar is off..but I just started expressing myself in the recent years ...I used to be very introverted.. So much love to you, and I am still a Fan..wishing you a very Blessed Day, and Weekend..

    Reply
  • cherene California

    Oh my God that touched my heart! how I wish I could have heard those very words from some man to me.. in this lifetime.. I never looked for much out of my life, didn't expect much, but I lived a good productive life, and gave of myself often , no regrets just living everyday now to the fullest..My Mom is 86 on Sept 6 so I am enjoying her as much as I can and I will share this beautiful, reading with her thanks, Tlyer one of your loving fans...Keep doing the GReat Work that you do entertaining us all..

    Reply
  • Vanessa Noble United States

    i know exactly how you feel.my mother passed away when i was twenty-one.left me with 3 brothers ,17,10,3. i became one of your characters 37 years ago. thank you for your humor,joy and pain.i'm not one for words as you can see,but again,thank you

    Reply
  • Pam DeWitt United States

    Sweet Mr. Perry, God bless your heart! I've always admired your work, especially Madea (who my 14 yr old daughter SWEARS is still a woman lol), and finding this post has nearly melted my heart. You are loved and admired by so many, yet you are really just "one of us" who have felt the pain and anguish of losing a loved one. I appreciate you sharing this, thank you very much. I know you don't "know" me, but I'm gonna tell YOU before it's too late: I love you! Keep doing great and wonderful things my friend, we're all rooting for ya ♥ Would love to interview you sometime, be a dream come true.

    Reply
  • Neomi Cape Town, South Africa

    Dear Tyler, I've been wanting to leave messages or write to you for a very long time until I finally got "it" together now. This post moved me so, I had to but, comment! Firstly, I thank God for using you as a vessel to speak to millions of people AND children around the globe. Also for having the courage to stand up and speak out, most people are to scared or worried about PEOPLE...and leave the world without ever letting their voices be heard. I was like that as a child, observed and experienced a lot but kept to myself and silent.. that it why, I think I try my best to "speak out" these days. I have always "missed" friends that left for different cities or foreign countries but I could always connect with via social media etc..or when I had to leave my son with my mom at the age of to(single mom) to accept a job offer abroad, that was agony... until I lost a very dear uncle of mine about two months ago and it hit me bad...I have never experienced such loss or hurt or pain..the way I always heard people talk about. Yes, I have experienced a lot of issues of pain, drama etc. but not the hurt of losing a loved one the death. The constant thoughts of wondering "did I do enough or did he know how much I loved having him in my life and the hours of wisdom shared"...so when I read this post of yours, I could really connect to your emotions...May our God hold you save and tight with His love and comfort you and may our prayers wrap you like a warm blanket. Our loved ones in the beyond are closer than we actually realise, if we connect with them in thoughts and prayer, one will always see or hear or experience something that directly reminds us of them, that is a fact:) and that brings joy and blessings! Your movies are always inspiring and dearly loved and appreciated by my whole family, I often watch my "cool" brothers laughing with the kids at something that is so familiar and so relevant in our everyday life...its amazing!!! lol When we watched the Oprah season of you with the abused men, moved myself and mom we kept on watching the repeat episodes because it was always something we were trying to bring to light as well. There are so many abused, hurt men out there that needs care and love and a "voice" THANK YOU TYLER, really. The last time was when I saw you helping on the show with the extreme make-overs of families and the homes, with the Fishing school etc. and that has been my dream to help uplift people wherever God allows me to.. I would love to do more full time with social care work, but for now I keep on with the juggling act:) So after taking so long to comment, look what happens lol... May the peace of God be with you and direct you always! God bless! ps. I try to say it to my mom(she's my rock) almost everyday... " lief vir jou mammie" Neomi

    Reply
  • Roslyn Branch N. O.

    A mother/son bond I know all to well, but I pray for the peace of our God to be with you, strenghthen you, and give you the comfort you need doing this time of rememberance and reflection of you're mom. May the love of God continue to touch your heart and heal you through and through. Stay Strong in the Lord and in the Power of His Might...I SPEAK THE GOD PEACE be upon you...IN JESUS NAME! Amen!

    Reply
  • Terri Muhammad Fairfield, CA

    Hi Mr. Perry, I just read your post "I Still Miss you". I just lost my father in May of this year and lost my Nephew this month who was shot and killed by a police officer. You said " If you're reading this, tell them you love them before it's too late". You are so right. Whenever I see a family member, friend, or co-worker, I make sure that I tell them I love them. One thing they can say about me is I made a point to say that. As tears stream down my face, my dad and nephew knew that I loved them. It doesn't make it easier with the loss. In time, I know GOD will help me with this grief and it will get easier. We have so many beautiful memories and that is what keeps up going. Thank you for your post and may GOD continue to bless and keep you. Always a dedicated fan!

    Reply
  • Maxine Perry Atlanta Georgia

    This is your mother. I am writing to you from my grave. For the cold narrow coffin you put the remains of me in. Yes! I died of diabetes, but the money you provided fed me well. No I couldn't see lost my eyesight and good limbs, but I can tell you its nothing like dying at the expense of a rich son. I ate good. And so did your dad, that's how I could leave u as a child knowing that you were being beaten by that man. Please don't hate me for that. I never loved you. But I am your mother still. If you never reveal your sexual identity, know that you'll never marry or have children. But at least you can live in your lies until you die. Won't be too long from now. I'm with your true father now and you know who that is. Be well and prosperous in all that you do. With Love, your mother.

    Reply
    • Tyler's friend Baltimore MD #1859202

      Hi Momma Perry, I am sorry to hear of your passing, but glad to hear that Tyler has become the man that he is. He is wise beyond his years. I'm sure it is the result of you leaving him knowing he was being beaten and him leaning on the Lord to see him through. How could you though? I'm clutching my pearls! I just don't understand how any mother could not love their child, unless the mother didn't love herself. As parents, we need to understand that our children have feelings too and we should not say mean and hurtful things to them just because we can. Don't worry Momma Perry, Tyler will reveal his sexual identity to the person he chooses...then and only then will the world know. It's really no one's business but people, both men and women, are attracted to him. Anyway Momma Perry, you brought a gem into this world and I thank you! OneLove - Ms. Kat

      Reply
  • Maxine Perry Atlanta Georgia

    This is your mother. I am writing to you from my grave. For the cold narrow coffin you put the remains of me in. Yes! I died of diabetes, but the money you provided fed me well. No I couldn't see lost my eyesight and good limbs, but I can tell you its nothing like dying at the expense of a rich son. I ate good. And so did your dad, that's how I could leave u as a child knowing that you were being beaten by that man. Please don't hate me for that. I never loved you. But I am your mother still. If you never reveal your sexual identity, know that you'll never marry or have children. But at least you can live in your lies until you die. Won't be too long from now. I'm with your true father now and you know who that is. Be well and prosperous in all that you do. With Love, your mother.

    Reply
  • Maxine Perry Atlanta Georgia

    This is your mother. I am writing to you from my grave. For the cold narrow coffin you put the remains of me in. Yes! I died of diabetes, but the money you provided fed me well. No I couldn't see lost my eyesight and good limbs, but I can tell you its nothing like dying at the expense of a rich son. I ate good. And so did your dad, that's how I could leave u as a child knowing that you were being beaten by that man. Please don't hate me for that. I never loved you. But I am your mother still. If you never reveal your sexual identity, know that you'll never marry or have children. But at least you can live in your lies until you die. Won't be too long from now. I'm with your true father now and you know who that is. Be well and prosperous in all that you do. With Love, your mother.

    Reply
  • Maxine Perry Atlanta Georgia

    This is your mother. I am writing to you from my grave. For the cold narrow coffin you put the remains of me in. Yes! I died of diabetes, but the money you provided fed me well. No I couldn't see lost my eyesight and good limbs, but I can tell you its nothing like dying at the expense of a rich son. I ate good. And so did your dad, that's how I could leave u as a child knowing that you were being beaten by that man. Please don't hate me for that. I never loved you. But I am your mother still. If you never reveal your sexual identity, know that you'll never marry or have children. But at least you can live in your lies until you die. Won't be too long from now. I'm with your true father now and you know who that is. Be well and prosperous in all that you do. With Love, your mother.

    Reply
    • Sass Anthony #1860743

      What the h***

      Reply