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I Still Miss You

I woke up this morning missing you like you'll never know. I dream about you. Sometimes when I'm alone I can hear your laughter fill the room. It was such a distinct laugh. It meant that everything was right in the world. On Sunday I would watch you singing your heart out in the choir, shouting about how good our God is. We didn't tell the preacher that on Friday night you were singing down-home blues at the top of your lungs, sipping your Hennessy. You loved the blues. You loved playing tonk till midnight in the projects. That was fun you'd say... for you. I wanted to go to bed :-)

I can almost hear you singing right now. Z.Z. Hill was your favorite blues singer. I can feel you from when you would hug me so tight and tell me, "everything is gonn be alright" and how much you loved me. I remember when you were mad at me. That never lasted long. Every year on my birthday you would call me and sing the Happy Birthday song to me. I would call you and ask if you needed anything, anything at all, and you would say, "I need you to be happy".

I don't know if I could have truly expressed how proud I was of you, but I was so proud of you. I remember you saying, "you know I did the best I could with you..." And yes, I know that. I know that you loved me like no other on this earth. Your best was more than good enough. IT WAS!

And I loved you. I still love you so much. I know I was your hope and I know I am your dream. I know that you couldn't go on anymore. I know your body was letting you down although you wanted to stay for us. I'm glad you have no more pain but I have pain now missing you every day. It's been almost four years now, so it's getting easier. Knowing you're with our God helps me get through.

I love and miss you every day. I'm OK now. Standing on my own. Holding you in my heart.

I love you mamma and I always will.

W. Maxine Perry
1945-2009

If you're reading this, tell them you love them before it's too late.

Comments (page 15)

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  • mary goose creek, sc

    Tyler funny u post this today. today when we found out my mother has cancer & has 2 months to live. im still in shock. dont know what im going to do wo her!! i love her soooo much.

    Reply
  • Dorethea C. Allmon New Orleans, LA 70122

    Hi Mr. Perry: Your Mother was such a "powerful" force in your life. I hear the strength, the love, the blesseth assurance of her presence! Though it has been four years the memories, the smiles, the voice, the look.... seem like yesterday. But take comfort in all those sacred "parts" of her she left behind, they can be so comforting when nothing else can be. And yes when you look in the mirror, she is never too far from you. Isn't that wonderful!!! It has been 3 years, that "powerful" force in my life has left us to be with THE KING. And that along makes me smile! Miss them we will but it gives us something to "strive" toward on this side of HEAVEN. Much Love to U.

    Reply
  • Mystery g

    I can't begin to say I understand your emotions. I still have my mother with me. I do sympathize for you and your family. I do know that in some similarity, I would be a terrible mess if I lost my mother. I hope by me offering a sincere distance air hug ((((((()))))))) will place a small smile on your face. Sincerely, Mystery

    Reply
  • DA Rockville, MD

    So very touching, Tyler. You had me in warm tears grieving with you but mine were tears of content and happiness for you, and your mother - may her soul rest in peace. No doubt she knows you are okay. What a gift you have been to so many! As the tears fell and my voice chocked-up but struggled with renewed strength knowing that it was, and had been, okay, to have written similar very emotional pieces that brought untold comfort and “freeing” to my own soul, as well, your courageous spirit was definitely good company. Keep writing… I read you…them. More, they soothe deeply into silent corners. Thank you for your work, and sharing.

    Reply
    • Ana Garcia United States #1857421

      Tyler I feel your pain, I loss my grandmother even though she was 102 when she passed on and she told me that she was ready to go home. I just wasn't ready to let her go, she was my strength, even though she had a hard life, her smile and truth brighten my day. Just wanted you to know that your not alone and we do understand your grief, we will never stop missing them but what helps me is that I know that she got that apartment in the sky she always wanted and I feel she is smiling down on us all! They will always be in our hearts!

      Reply
  • Deborsdaughter Hpt,VA

    Dear Tyler.....I miss my mom too. She was such a wonderful woman. Smart, beautiful and she loved the Lord. I miss her smile, her distinctive laugh, the way she believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. And when she entered any room it l it up like the moon just always shined directly on her. And that glow she had about her, that glow of love only you know came from God. I miss her. When I sleep I feel her watching me. When I cry, I hear her voice telling me it will OK. Its been six years now. Six long years but you know what bothers me the most is that last day I saw my mom alive I didn't tell her I loved her. Who would have thought I would never see her again that Sat afternoon. So yes Tyler, I couldn't agree with you more. Tell everyone you love that you love them before its too late. It was for me.

    Reply
  • Jennifer Gonzalez Rome, GA

    Beautiful...That's real.

    Reply
  • Tish Spence Nashville,TN

    Heart felt.

    Reply
  • @TheDimpledRN New Orleans, LA.

    I came from Twitter to read the beautiful letter u wrote to your mother. Touching. I lost my beloved GM a few years back but you reminded me how important is to give flowers to those you love while they are with us. Thank you for that. But I find myself, troubled. I actually had to rewrite this three times so that I could calm all the way down. Some of the comments made my hair hurt. I was about to go all Charity3rdfloor before I recaptured my Chi and remembered I invited myself into your space. I don't have words of wisdom but I can almost hear my Grandmother saying "chile, don't you listen to 'em. You go on doin just what you supposed to be doin. Cause if you don't, you gonna have to answer to him". Shame on those persons who find it necessary to come into your space and attempt chastise you for your business decisions or opinions. All you can do is pray. But don't absorb their truth as 'The' truth. And keep doing your work. Because where would you be if you changed directions every few moments trying to please everyone? God blessed you with the talent of storytelling. You help to heal people of their pain. Don't let anyone harboring their own agenda take that away from you. Stay blessed..... Love from home. New Orleas, La

    Reply
  • Felisha

    Awh just this getting off to work and it makes me tear up... I cherish my mother I know what she done for me to be happy n thank God for a praying mother

    Reply
  • Reginald Williams Dallas, Texas

    That is a very touching letter. I am very big believer in showing mom and dad how much you love them. Because it is nothing like have that void. I lost my dad in 1999 and mom in 2008. To this day I find myself picking up the phone to call my mom.

    Reply
  • CYNTHIA M. OSORIO BUFFALO,NEW YORK

    DEAR: TYLER, i'm so sorry you are feeling so sad at time's cause you miss your mom. i heard it get's better and better. and you will never forget how much she loved you. in that note i have a message for you from her. >please don't cry for me i'm in a place full of lights, where is only peace, where there is no pain, where i would rest, please don't cry it's so beautiful you wouldn't imagine. i want you to be happy, hope that all is well and when your time comes i want to see you here. i know you will always miss me and till it's your time to part with out LORD it's going to be painful, but i'm always with my sweet little boy<.. GOD BLESS YOU TYLER.. i have you in my prayers and i hope in GOD you find your wife and have a family of your on!! Love Cynthia M. Osorio

    Reply
    • Temi #1857389

      Amen!!

      Reply
  • Monica Det,MI

    You will never get over the void you feel not having your mom around anymore. I still miss my mom too, my mom went to be with the Lord when I was seven years old, now I am old enough with kids of my own(smile). So I didn't know my mom that well because she was always in and out of the hospital because of her Illness(Kidney problems) . But after all these years growing up I knew my mom was and still is around me even if she is not on this earth because I feel her in my heart. God Bless You!

    Reply
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