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I Still Miss You

I woke up this morning missing you like you'll never know. I dream about you. Sometimes when I'm alone I can hear your laughter fill the room. It was such a distinct laugh. It meant that everything was right in the world. On Sunday I would watch you singing your heart out in the choir, shouting about how good our God is. We didn't tell the preacher that on Friday night you were singing down-home blues at the top of your lungs, sipping your Hennessy. You loved the blues. You loved playing tonk till midnight in the projects. That was fun you'd say... for you. I wanted to go to bed :-)

I can almost hear you singing right now. Z.Z. Hill was your favorite blues singer. I can feel you from when you would hug me so tight and tell me, "everything is gonn be alright" and how much you loved me. I remember when you were mad at me. That never lasted long. Every year on my birthday you would call me and sing the Happy Birthday song to me. I would call you and ask if you needed anything, anything at all, and you would say, "I need you to be happy".

I don't know if I could have truly expressed how proud I was of you, but I was so proud of you. I remember you saying, "you know I did the best I could with you..." And yes, I know that. I know that you loved me like no other on this earth. Your best was more than good enough. IT WAS!

And I loved you. I still love you so much. I know I was your hope and I know I am your dream. I know that you couldn't go on anymore. I know your body was letting you down although you wanted to stay for us. I'm glad you have no more pain but I have pain now missing you every day. It's been almost four years now, so it's getting easier. Knowing you're with our God helps me get through.

I love and miss you every day. I'm OK now. Standing on my own. Holding you in my heart.

I love you mamma and I always will.

W. Maxine Perry
1945-2009

If you're reading this, tell them you love them before it's too late.

Comments (page 12)

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  • Mattie Austell, GA

    My Dear Tyler, I have felt the pain of loosing a mother and father deeply, it's better now. They were great parents and did their best for us, 9 children, from the 30's-60's +. We shall never forget them and hold them dear to our hearts. We thank God and are blessed to have had them. They taught us ooh so much about love, forgiveness sharing, to laugh etc.. Tyler it must be hard still for you I see. But I do believe to my soul your mom is smiling down on you and proud of you knowing that you are ok as was her wish. You are a natural for in bringing laughter to any situation...as I can see in you letter to your mom concerning the "down home blues and telling the pastor" really that's great for your grief keep thinking on the good stuff(funny stuff) and it will ease the emotional pain and then one day, believe it or not, you will get a little better as time goes by with her leaving. Tyler thank you for sharing your letter to "mom" with us we are with you and are praying with you. Keep us entertained. Blessing!

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  • HD

    Oh my God Tyler 2weeks ago i dreamt when you were actually sobbing and asking me do you love your mother? My mother and i have not been on good terms at all for over 10years. So in the dream i was giving you many reasons why i should not love her and you started sobbing seriously telling me please love your mother,please love your mother and you said it like 4times. I woke up beaten and as i write this things are different now, we now talk and visit each other. And here you are telling us to love them. What is this, a concidence or a divine connection???

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  • Carla Thomas San Francisco, California | Los Angeles, California

    Dear Tyler: I can feel your words in my my mind/heart/soul. Ain't it the hurt that the ones we love can be snatched away, like a flicker of a candle? God was kind enough to make sure that you got a chance to be born through your Mom. Yes, you've been through lots of adversity; but you've triumphed over so much! I know, money can't buy you happiness, but at least you got a chance to experience both sides of the (wealth) pendulum with your Mom, allowing you to get her the best of health care, and a sweet, soft comfortable place for her head to rest. Remember, you are 1/2 of her DNA. She is always with you. All you have to do is continue to stay prayerful. Set ethic/moral boundaries for yourself by being disciplined. Just because you can have it, doesn't mean it's good for you, or to you. Hold on to your sanity although some say that sanity is relative. A few weeks ago, my old boss, Bruce Meyer & Tom Blumenthal, parked a Lear Jet on Rodeo Drive for the Concours d' Elegance car show - some said that that was crazy! So, hold on to what we know is sanity!) Keep setting goals for yourself. YOU ROCK, TYLER! Even when I'm going through some changes, I keep in mind that my ancestors have gone through so much worse than I ever have, and they were straight up Warriors. Their blood is pumping in my veins, so I am strong too! Sending you love & light. Truly, Carla P.S. my Dad laid down with my ancestors on Sept 18, 2001 - but I can still remember his voice..... I blogged about him... We Are Growing Higher and Higher (9.19.09) "I Can Still Remember His Voice" Be encouraged. God did not bring you this far to leave you....

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  • Jackie Mallet Silver Spring, Md

    Well, Tyler, it's too late for me right now because my Mom passed away last year, July 27th, one day before her birthday. However, for the last months of my mother's life, before the Lord took her home, (I refuse to say that cancer took her), I told her I loved her every single day and she would reply, "I love you more"... This woman did more "good" in her life than anyone will ever know. She was a Haitian woman who loved the poor. When she passed, so many of these poor people refused to eat and spent their food money on calling cards to contact me here in the United States just to wail on the phone. My heart aches and aches and aches. I'm not at all ready to accept this separation. Everyone tells me she is at peace and is with God, but that doesn't console me. She should be at peace right next to me. Tyler, maybe you and I should go see Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium so that we can hear from our Moms...

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  • Andrea McCray Charlotte, NC

    I am sending this as heavenly "retweet" to my own Mom who has been gone nearly two years. Since July, 2009 our son, sister, Grandmother, Mother, and Aunt have earned their crowns. Currently, I am preparing to open a business. This time isn bittersweet because each of those five people loved, supported and encouraged me to make this dream a reality. They believed in God's vision for my life. So Tyler, thank you for eloquently expressing what is truly in my heart. I will endeavor daily to honor my loved ones by giving the children who come to my childcare center, Seeds of Promise Child Development Center, that same love, support and encouragement. Be blessed brother,!

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  • Tracy Michigan

    Lord, Lord! Man i know what you are feeling. I lost my daddy in 2005 and life has not been the same for me or my entire family, immediate or otherwise. I feel you. You touch my heart and soul with your purpose. I appreciate who you are and what you do. God created a gift to the world through your mom. "When all of Gods children get together, my Lord, oh what a time!" It gets greater later. Blessings Beloved

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  • Carmella Williams Cleveland, Ohio

    Oh Tyler! God has been so good to me and since I accepted him publicly I have seen him at work in my life. My mother and I have not had the best relationship and it is very difficult at times. Over the last two years our relationship has improved. I have taken baby steps toward nuturing us. God...he's really good. I learned that my mom was in the hospital because she thought she was having a heart attack. Well, thankfully, she only had an allergic reaction to potassium, but I saw my Mom in that hospital gown and transitioned into daughter mode real quick. God always knows when to nudge me and when to shove my stubborn b*** toward what is best. Make sure the people you love hear and feel your love. Carmella

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  • Renna Thomas Chicago

    I feel what you are saying Tyler. I miss my mother more than words can even express. Here song she would sing in the choir was they that wait on the lord. She fought a good fight. She imparted some things that still manifest them self to this day. Her smile would light up the world and if I could just hear her voice I know everything would be alright. I could not give her what you gave your mother but I gave her what I had. She has been gone since 1997 right before mother's day I remember so well I got really sick right after and had to go to the doctor but God is still good. Love my mother with all my heart and soul RIP Elizabeth Thomas 1

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  • Sheneith Hawkins Dallas,Tx.

    What this mean Tyler :-) ...LoL... :-) ? And who I love hearing you talking/speak/share about? And what about the Christmas tree & lights, Tyler? No, this is now my favorite one: I need to go cash my check a day b4 Christmas & what happen Tyler? Lord, have mercy Jesus! Lol!!! :-) Anyway & anyhow, how are you doing? I was thinking about you this morning. See you around always. Ttyl... Song: Spend My Life w/ you. :-)

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  • Raxine Houston, TX

    <3

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  • Lesa R Texas

    Yes, tell them you love them before it's too late, for love is like a flower which bloomed miraculously one day, and as mysteriously as it came, it quietly fades away,so tell them you love them as often as you can. My mom suffered through her final days, and now I'm suffering for being their for her, but I don't regret not one minute, of one day; I'm just thankful that God allowed me to be there too see her on her way. This message reminds me of one of my favorite passages from the book of Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 "A Time For Everything." There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. A time to be born, & a time to die. A time to plant, & a time to uproot. A time to kill, & a time to heal. A time to tear down, & a time to build up. A time to weep, & a time to laugh. A time to mourn, & a time to dance. A time to scatter stones, & a time to gather them. A time to embrace, & a time to refrain. A time to search, & a time to give. A time to keep, & a time to throw away. A time to tear, & a time to mend. A time to be silent, & a time to speak. A time to love, & a time to hate. A time for war, & a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy, and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat, drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil-this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added, and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. So yes, tell them that you love them, while you can. Though now I suffer, like the flower that mysteriously fade, I will miraculously bloom again.

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  • Ovalla Jobe Nashville, Tennessee

    It is always good to express yourself, and you do do it well....with feelings and much thought. We are happy to have our Mr. Perry, and his visions......

    Reply
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